It's Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock!
by Theadosia57
Summary: Now I know what you're thinkin! But he stole that line from me, honestly. Ian Fleming, the author I mean. Twilight AU One-Shot, Jasper's P.O.V


**Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to S. Meyer. Just as James Bond belongs to Ian Fleming.** **Otherwise,** **the rest** **is** **my musings on an AU.**

 **Just to let you know Decision, Decisions just passed the 40,000 hits mark xx thanks, guys**

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 **A/N: - I'm dedicating this to Spudzmom, she mentioned on Facebook (** **Jasper Whitlock, Southern Gentleman and God of War)** **, about a Jasper competition sometime in the future and this started floating around in my head and I just had to get it out lol, it's crazy what can trigger a plot bunny xx Alexis**

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 **"It's Bond, James Bond!"**

It never failed to irritate and amuse me at the same time. That phrase always brought back pleasant memories and reminded me of the time when I met my glorious and god damn sexy mate, my Isabella, But it also reminded me that both her and I were immortalised in the book, then film 'Dr. No'.

It was durin' summer, late on in 1951 and we, the Cullens and I, had been stuck, actually grounded on the Island of Jamaica and I was seriously bored and fed up being at a loose end. The weather luckily for all of us turned out to be downright shitty and abysmal, Jamaica had been, bein' lashed by gale force storms for seven days straight, since we arrived, with no damned sign of it ever lettin' up.

We had been downed by engine trouble, possibly even a bird strike, on the flight back from Esme's Island. This was where moanin' Eddie and the demented Pixie had tied the knot for the first of many times, at a totally over the top and to be honest goddamn awful do, courtesy of Alice, the aforementioned Pixie, of course.

I never wanted to see that much ruddy pink all in one place ever again after that fiasco, it had made me feel sick to my stomach and I'm a bloody vampire who couldn't really throw up, hack up food when we had to eat, yes, but proper gut wrenchin' pukin', no! Thank God there had been no humans in our group of friends or they would have succumbed, I had no doubts about it.

Anyway, I digress, Rosalie was by then frantically tryin' to effect some major repairs. But the parts were provin' harder to come by and with no way of gettin' any to her, due to the aforementioned weather at that time. It just made her cranky and a cranky Rose is not a good thin' let me tell you. That woman's an Amazon and can break your balls with one steely glare.

I had made my escape from the relentless, unendin', whinin' of both Edward and Alice, god they were a match made in hell, no shit, then and now too! I didn't know which was the more immature at that time, but I'd hazard a guess then at it bein' him. I didn't even know if he knew which end was which on his new wife.

I remember when I'd met the demented Pixie three years before that in 1948, in Philadelphia of all places. She had cornered me, in a small diner, demanded to know what the hell kept me and ordered me to follow her to Maine. Of course, that's not the way she told it, it was all flowers and unicorns, glitter and sparkles in her version.

Then she tried to tell me that we were true mates and that we were destined to be together forever. This just because she had seen me in a vision when she awoke to this life, so in her whacked out head that had made us mates, not happenin' was my one and only thought to that little gem of information.

Because, I'd been around my brother Peter and his mate and wife Charlotte for long enough before meetin' her to know how real mates felt, it was nothin' like the clingy ownership feelin' she always projected onto me. Oh yeah! she forgot I was an empath, she actually forgot a lot for a vampire. I could feel, influence and control the emotions of others, that's puttin' it simply, I could and can do more, so much more.

Needless to say, the first minute we had arrived at the Cullens mansion, she took over and they were too stunned to stop her and when the Pixie set her greedy, beady eyes on Eddie boy, that was it! I was yesterday's news. I had thanked the Lord, in fact, I couldn't have been happier with that development.

I had been so sick of fendin' her off by then, she kept tellin' me shit like she saw a vision of us makin' love, or she saw a future where we were married. Not to be rude or nothin', well maybe a little, but I like my women to look like women and not prepubescent little boys.

There wasn't and unfortunately for her still isn't a single curve on her anywhere, nothin' to get a grip of at all and even her spiky hair was too damn short to grab on to. So No, just No! I had a picture in my head of the perfect woman for me and Alice was not it then and would never have been had I not found my perfect other half.

I had always envisioned my angel with long waist length glossy brown hair, voluptuous and sinful curves, an ass that begged to be bitten, breasts that filled my hands to almost overflowin' and pouty luscious red lips, that I could imagine wrapped around my strainin' erection, God damn, the thought of it always made me hard.

I know, I know, I'm a typical male chauvinist pig, but that's who I am and as they say, take me as I am or not at all. Personally, I don't give a fuck, Well, that was the image of my ideal woman, that's the vision that got me through the long lonely hours and had often given me endless hours of pleasure in the shower and various other places come to think of it.

Anyway back to my story, So I had decided to stay with the Cullen's regardless, I really only went with Alice to meet them and hopefully to change my way of life. The constant bombardment of emotions from the people I fed on, had nearly driven me insane over the years, feedin' from animals was so much more relaxin' and they sometimes even fought back, well the big, better tastin' predator's did.

Esme had very kindly built me a little cabin, just far enough away from them so I wasn't constantly feelin' all the combined lust and emotions of two mated pairs and the 'odd couple'. I can't really put my finger on what it was I felt from them in the beginnin', but there was never any lust involved, I'll rephrase that, no lust involved on his side, she, as usual, was like a cat in heat.

Greed was her major emotion though and indifference was his, but there were many underlyin' ones too. As I said a match made in hell! I spend lots of time with the other members of the family especially Emmett and Rose, those two I really bonded with, they have now become family to me. In fact Em and I together usually spells big trouble, this annoys Eddie no end, Emmett never cared for him and ignores him most of the time.

He like me is always callin' him Eddie, which he hates, so that's all the more reason to do it, duh! But the little shit was and still is too scared to tell me to stop, I'm wasn't beyond lettin' him see memories of me in fightin' mode or havin' sex or even just whackin' one out to embarrass him, and that kept him from gettin' to up himself, thinkin' he could maybe take me on. The boy's a pompous fool, who couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. I could take him with one arm tied behind my back and my eyes shut for Christ sake.

I've digressed again, sorry folks, So there I was just quietly sittin' on the beach totally ignorin' the weather and immersin' myself in the lack of emotions in the vicinity, due to the weather keepin' everyone indoors. It was not like I could have been hurt, it was wild, yes, but apart from whippin' at my hair, it couldn't move me, nor did I need to worry about bein' sucked into any waterspouts, I was a much more molecularly dense being than the poor locals.

In fact, day one of bein' stuck there in Jamaica, Em and I swam out into the ocean and jumped into a huge waterspout, one of the biggest I've ever seen, we were gettin' thrown for miles and havin' a hell of a time until Carlisle had put his foot down, sayin' we could have been seen by the humans. As if they'd have been out there in that shit, spoilsport, I still think Eddie ratted us out.

I was seriously tryin' to make it my mission to see the whole island before we had to leave. The coastline was spectacular even in bad weather, I could only imagine what it would be like in the sunshine. The biggest problem for us there was the huntin', we couldn't impact the endangered wildlife or the domestic livestock, so that left us with Coney, Mongoose or Alligator!

Not exactly very appealin' or anywhere near satisfyin', they were so damned small. Hell at a pinch there was loads of sea life big and small, but I never cared much for fish even as a human. It had only been for a few days, so, all in all, I enjoyed the break from the families normal routine.

The Cullens attended school, year in year out, before I joined them and since. Everywhere they move they start over, back to High School or College, but not me. I'm a grown man for God sake, I ain't playin' school kids for anyone. Carlisle had accepted this, he knew I'm was a coven leader myself and I was only with them to learn his way of feeding, after all. I ain't no damn stray, but a grown assed man with a mind of his own.

I didn't need lessons on how to pretend to be human, shit I was one once, I remember. I have contributed in other ways, helpin' Esme with rebuilds or new constructions. Like while we were on the island. Her, Em and I extended the house and put in a near pier. While Eddie sat on his ass, supposedly composin' a song for the weddin' he's a lazy fucker and no mistake, nothin' changes.

So there I was sittin' with my back to the water at Oracabessa, watchin' some workmen tryin' to tie down some various flappin' tarpaulins. They were on the site of a modest house with I thought, probably three bedrooms, fitted with wooden jalousie windows and a swimmin' pool outside, but it was built on the cliff overlookin' a small but picturesque private beach.

I clearly heard one of them sayin' the owner would be back as soon as there was a break in the weather, I also heard them say, 'Fleming', was his name and somethin' about him bein' a journalist and wantin' to write a novel there. That place certainly had a kind of serenity about it and would make a great bolthole for an author.

I remember thinkin' I would love a place like that! Toyin' with maybe buyin' an island like Carlisle did for Esme one day. But what would be the point, I had no one to share it with, God sometimes I got so damned lonely back then, then I remembered Carlisle was alone for three hundred years give or take a few before he met his mate, Esme.

I prayed I didn't have to wait for that length of time, patience unlike him was not my forte, my hand could only satisfy for short periods of time. Fuck, I needed to get laid back then so badly, it was all I could think about. Jesus, I had begun to think I was turnin' into Em, sex mad lunatic that he is.

The followin' day we knew there was to be a small window in the weather and a private helicopter Carlisle had booked was flyin' in with Rose's parts and to take the gruesome twosome and also Carlisle and Esme back to mainland America, by doing some major island hoppin'. I damn near kissed Carlisle when I heard they would be leavin' with him and Esme.

I was stayin' behind, after solemnly promisin' not to get Em into any trouble and then we would fly out and meet up with them later. It was while we were at the airport waiting for the chopper that the pilot called sayin' some British guy had asked for a lift over and he'd okay it.

Edward had immediately said no it was not alright, that he could find his own way, that this was his private flight. I had dropped him where he stood usin' my gift and took over the call, it was the guy from Oracabessa, so I immediately said yeah that would be fine, after all, it was the pilot's chopper, so to go ahead as long as he came and took the asshole away I didn't care.

No point flyin' empty I thought then and just to annoy Eddie, had told Garrett the pilot, an old friend of mine to ask around in case anyone else, locals whoever were stuck, off the island due to the weather. Carlisle had arrived just then and said how nice that was of me, he should have thought of that himself and Eddie was growlin' under his breath.

I knew Garrett would tell Carlisle that Eddie had said no outright when he first said he was bringin' the guy in. He like us was a vampire, but unlike us, he was a human drinker. He loved technology and jumped at the chance of gettin' his pilot's license, so he could fly anywhere he wanted, at any time. In fact, he still does, even though he now owns a fleet of choppers for private hire.

Charterin' flights was a way of makin' easy money for him back then, Garrett was essentially a nomad and loved the freedom that this gave him. I was actually very surprised he'd let a redcoat on his baby, he called all Brit's redcoats, due to him bein' turned durin' the 'War of Independence' against the British.

Turned out, though, he did it to stick it to Eddie more than anythin', he just knew the uptight prick would make his mouth go about it and he'd said that the guy was actually really cool for a redcoat. Garrett knew Carlisle long before I first met him, like me he never knew why he'd changed Eddie, the mind pilferer. I have yet to meet someone who actually likes him, apart from Carlisle and Esme that is and I'm still undecided about Alice, she likes his money though.

I didn't get a chance to meet the guy then because I was stuck wranglin' cases off of Alice, she was tryin' to take all her stuff on the chopper which didn't have the room. I had tried to assure her it would be safe on the plane and she'd be reunited with it all very soon. God almighty, she was beyond pathetic, it's only god damn clothes, what was all the fuss about.

Thankfully Esme had then managed to eventually convince her and they got onboard at last, before the weather had closed in again, the final thing I heard as I shut the door was somethin' about chicken feathers and also Garrett laughin' loudly.

Later that same day, Rose told Em and me, that it would be a couple of more days and we'd be ready to get out of here too, so I had left them there and headed back to Oracabessa, I seemed drawn to that place as if waitin' on somethin' or someone, but I had no clear idea which it was at the time!

The next again mornin' the weather had started up a little, it was just really overcast and more than plenty windy. I had been wandering along the shore when a tarpaulin blew down from the bluff, landin' right at my feet. I'd glanced up and saw the workmen from the other day arguing who'd have to go get it. I had quickly bundled it up and clambered up to them, they were all smiles and thanked me.

I then glanced around likin' what I saw, they were obviously finished and just tidyin' up before the weather got really worse again. The guy from the airport stood at one of the doors smokin' a cigarette in a long cigarette holder, he was leanin' nonchalantly against the frame with his legs crossed at the ankles, the picture of complete relaxation.

But it was a pose, he was alert and ready for anythin'. I knew at a glance that he was ex-military but not which branch. He had raised a hand callin' me over and stubbed out the now finished cigarette as I reached him. We had talked for a few minutes about the house and he'd said that it was called 'Goldeneye'.

He then mentioned that he'd seen me the previous day, at the airport tryin' to wrestle bags from the small child with the spiky hair. We both laughed about that, me because Alice would have been mortified if she knew people thought her a child. Once more he thanked me, for the lift and then had motioned for me to follow him inside.

Over the next couple of days, I kept going back to chat with him and he told me all about the novel he was going to write. It was mostly sketched out ready to write but for a couple of scenes, he had told me. I found out he was Navy, a Commander no less had done very hush-hush stuff durin' the war for British Intelligence.

So his book was going to be a spy one, stickin' to what he knew best he'd said laughin'. I had to agree with that, as I had started to write a Civil War book back then. The man had been beyond fascinatin' and he had done so much in his short life, well short compared to mine. I was genuinely in awe of him, that didn't happen often. But once in a while we meet brilliant humans and are better for it. He joked saying he'd send the family a signed copy of his book once it was printed.

Rose had completed our repairs by this time and it was once again the weather holdin' us back from leavin' and I didn't really care. But it looked like we'd be goin' the day after next, the British Met Office had indicated that the squall would have cleared away by then.

I steered well clear of the plane those last couple of days. Because now that it was fixed, she and Em were utilisin' it to get down and dirty. I neither wanted to see or hear that, so I left as quick as possible, they tended to be noisy horny sods! I had promised to spend my last day in Oracabessa with the Commander and had set off leavin' them to it.

I then had spent all mornin' with Ian and he was explainin' to me about the scene that was givin' him trouble, he needed a way for his hero 'James Bond' to meet the girl who would be his love interest at this time and he was stuck at this point. Why would she be there on the villain's island? What reason could he find for her to do that? This was his dilemma and it was annoyin' him no end.

That's when both or lives changed forever, definitely for the better. We were lookin' out at the water when divine inspiration intervened, an amazin' sight rose out of the Caribbean, wearin' the most glorious two piece swimsuit, Aphrodite incarnate, she was sinful to look at and I could feel myself growin' hard and growlin' low.

She was perfection to watch, swingin' from her hand was a bag of large Mangrove oysters. Droppin' them at her feet she had swung her drippin' hair around to wrin' out the water and I was damn near droolin'. Never had a woman made me speechless before now, but I was struck dumb.

He, on the other hand, was writin' furiously on a notepad he'd brought with him, I vaguely remember the pencil racin' across the page as he jotted down his thoughts. I was standin' under a Mangrove tree, leanin', on one hand, bendin' forward slightly so as not to miss a thing. All I could see was her, I had been jealously watchin' the drops of water that were runnin' down her exceptionally beautiful body.

She was sheer perfection, my dream girl, hell my wet dream girl, come to life and I was rooted to the spot, I could almost feel myself hummin' with satisfaction. She had looked up then, waved to us, well to him I presumed. This siren had me as hard as a rock and I was lovin' every excruciatingly painful second of it.

I had seen her tense slightly when my scent registered with her what I was. But she too was a vampire, no mortal woman could look like this, dear god, she made Rose look plain. That was not an easy thin' for anyone to accomplish, believe me, Rose is an extremely beautiful lookin' woman.

She then picked up her bag and made her way over to us swayin' her hips as she walked and I had had to try to discreetly adjust myself, but she saw me and raised an eyebrow. I smirked and told her in a tone too high for the Commander, that she was without a doubt the most unbelievably sexy woman I'd ever seen in my life.

He thanked her profusely over and over, tellin' her she'd just solved the problem he'd had with a scene from his novel. Then he introduced her to me as Isabella, just Isabella, an occasional visitor to the island to pearl dive he told me.

I had reached out my hand eagerly, which she accepted and we both had felt the tingle that ran up our arms into our bodies. I know I made a sound in my chest which was a cross between a growl and a purr and she had given me a small moan in response. I could smell her arousal then and it had just made me harder if that was even possible.

We were just starin' at each other and he had chuckled, sayin' he'd never ever seem an instant attraction like that before, that it was an intense thin' and he could damn near feel the air around us crackle. Laughin' he suggested we go get to know one another, as he was off to write that scene that was now complete thanks to Isabella and me, I wasn't aware I'd done anythin' to help him.

We started to turn then to leave, he was still standin' on the beach clutchin' his notepad, our hands were clasped together as if we dared not let go in case the other disappeared. The Commander shouted after us sayin' he didn't actually know what my name was. How could he send me a copy of his book via Garrett, if he didn't know my name?

I had laughed aloud then, realisin' I'd never told him on any of my visits, Isabella shivered and purred delicately by my side at the sound I'd made and I squeezed her hand firmly before lettin' go to slide my arm around her shoulders. I turned my head and called back to him, over my shoulder,

 **"It's Whitlock, Jasper Whitlock!"**

So that's the story of how Bella and I became the inspiration for Ian Fleming's 'Dr. No', do we still live with the Cullens? Hell No! Bella took one look at the setup there and said pass. So we moved south to be near my brother Peter and his mate Charlotte, Bella became firm friends with her instantly, that's cause they're all down to earth, no nonsense vampires. Or as Peter says 'Humans are food, Not friends!'


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